Her Baby His Gift (The Slow Burn Duology Book 1) Read online

  Harlem wanted to pull out her hair from frustration. She had been confined long enough with Carter Owens. “It’s not necessary. There is on-site, twenty-four-hour security in this building.”

  Carter wasn’t about to argue. It was late, and he was exhausted. Instead, he just got out of the car. Then, came around to Harlem’s side and opened her door. She was slow and moved like a robot. It was clear from her body language that she was stiff, possibly from the carjacking altercation. Like the stubborn woman he’d known her to be, Harlem wouldn’t lean on him for support. Carter would be there just in case. He wondered if she would ever forgive him.

  Each step towards her condo felt heavy as they walked to the elevators and finally to her front door.

  Harlem pulled out her key. “I’ve got it from here.”

  “Just let me check—”

  Her voice was strangled. “Carter, please.”

  He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I know you’re pissed. I know you’d rather it was him and not me. But I am the one who is here. Let me help you. It’s the least I can do.”

  She turned and held his gaze. “You’ve done more than enough.” Harlem glanced down at her belly. She hadn’t even begun to show. Harlem didn’t have any fight left. “I will call you as soon as I get settled.”

  Carter knew she was already stressed out, and as much as he wanted to push, he decided not to. It wasn’t good for the baby. “If you don’t call in fifteen minutes, I’m coming inside. Understood?”

  She could only muster two words. “I’ll call.” Harlem turned, opened the door, and walked through it.

  She rested her back against the door and closed her eyes. Finally, she could breathe. Harlem stood motionless for a while. She wasn’t sure for how long but knowing Carter, if she didn’t call, he would come busting into her place. The mere sight of him was too much. It pierced the bubble of her fantasy and allowed the truth to seep in.

  Her soul couldn’t handle it.

  Harlem pushed off the door. She fished for her phone inside her back pocket and dialed Carter’s number. He answered before it finished the first ring. “I’m fine and safe.”

  Carter hadn’t left. He had been standing outside waiting. “Good. Harlem?”

  She whispered. “What?”

  “I may not be who you want to call for anything, but I promise, I’ll always be here for you and the baby. We’ll figure this out.”

  Tired, Harlem sighed. “Goodnight, Carter.” She ended the call. The phone slipped from her hands and fell to the floor. Harlem didn’t bother to pick it up. Instead, she dragged her weary body into her bedroom.

  Their bedroom.

  Fully clothed, Harlem crawled into the bed and rolled over onto his side. She had left his sweatshirt there. She pulled it close and inhaled deeply.

  It still smelled of him.

  Her heart cried out. We were finally on the verge of having the family you always wanted! Her tears fell like an endless storm of torrential rains. At some point, Harlem started to fall asleep. Every time her eyes closed, he would appear in her dreams.

  Harlem wished she could sleep forever. Maybe in her dreams, he would forgive her.

  Chapter 4

  Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz. The sound of someone at Harlem’s door woke her up. She cracked open one eye and looked at the clock on her nightstand. Does that say 10:23am? Harlem never slept so late.

  She moaned. Her body felt as if it had been run over by a truck. The unceasing noise of the doorbell kept Harlem from pulling the covers over her head and ignoring it. She got out of bed, then reached for her robe and put it on.

  “I’m coming!” Harlem dragged her feet as she loosely tied the bathrobe closed and walked over to the door. She looked through the peephole and groaned inwardly as she opened the door. “Why are you here?”

  Carter ignored her and strode inside carrying two large paper bags, one in each hand. He kept walking clear through to the kitchen.

  Harlem’s steps were heavy as she plodded barefoot on the hardwood floors behind him. “I didn’t say you could come in.”

  Carter placed the bags on the table and started taking out the contents. He hadn’t spared her even a glance. “I won’t be long. I remember where everything goes.”

  Harlem watched as he removed pint after pint of black-walnut ice-cream. “How many of those things did you buy?”

  Carter opened the sub-zero freezer. “Enough so that you won’t be traipsing around the city late at night.”

  His words stung and pissed her off. “Why do I have to keep repeating myself? You’re not responsible for me.”

  “For the same reason I have to keep repeating myself. I made a promise, and I intend to keep it.”

  Harlem’s craving hadn’t subsided. She bit her lower lip, hoping to beat it back. Finally, she gave in and like a petulant child, stomped over to the utensil drawer and grabbed a spoon. She spoke softly but mostly to herself. “What’s another broken promise?”

  Carter stilled for a moment but didn’t respond.

  Defeated, Harlem asked, “Can I have one of those?”

  He handed her a container. It was also the first time he took a really good look at her in recent weeks. Even though Harlem was wearing a robe, it had come open, and he noticed that she still had her clothes on from the night before. Bone strait, sandy brown hair that was usually never out of place was all over her head. Her bronze-colored skin that typically had a natural sun-kissed glow, had a jaundiced look to it. Carter couldn’t help but see the dark circles underneath her eyes, and she had lost weight. He thought pregnant women were supposed to gain weight, but Harlem was doing the opposite.

  Regardless of her words, she was not okay. As a matter of fact, Harlem was struggling, and he had to do something about it. Carter watched as she sat down at the table with her ice-cream. He ran a tired hand across his face. “You’ve got to start taking better care of yourself. You have a baby to think about.”

  Harlem had just stuck a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. Suddenly, it didn’t taste as good as she thought it would. Her head lowered as she stared into the container. Her vision blurred as a teardrop fell into it. She whispered. “I’m doing the best that I can.”

  Carter didn’t mean to make her cry. He wasn’t used to seeing this side of her. The woman he knew was fierce and would have had some kind of a stinging comeback. “What can I do to fix this?”

  Slowly, Harlem raised her head and looked deeply into his eyes. “You can’t. The moment you made your decision, there was no coming back from that.”

  His chest tightened. “I know you blame me. Sometimes, I wonder if there was more I could do. I wish there were. I’ve got to live with that, but it won’t change the fact that Damian is not coming back.”

  Harlem blinked a few times. Then, out of nowhere, she lunged at him. “This is all your fault!” Harlem lost it as she pounded her fist against his chest and screamed. “I hate you! God, I haaaaaaaate you! How could you do it?! I wasn’t ready!!”

  Neither was he. Carter had second, third, and fourth guessed his part in this madness. It was his own guilt that forced him to stand still as Harlem beat on his chest, releasing her pain and frustrations. He would allow it until she got tired. Fortunately, it didn’t take long.

  Breathing hard, Harlem couldn’t believe she had just lost her shit. Harlem had never hit another person in her entire life. She stared at her hands as if she had never seen them before. “Oh, my God. Carter, I—”

  He finished her sentence. “Needed to get that out.”

  Harlem looked as if she were going to collapse. Carter pulled her into his arms and wrapped them around her. Exhausted from everything that life had thrown her way, Harlem rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. She hated him. But, he offered the comfort that she needed.

  The room was quiet for a while.

  Her outburst was long overdue. Carter spoke into her hair. “You’ve wanted to kick my ass for some time.”

  “True
.”

  “You’re going to be okay. We both are.”

  She whispered. “He’s not coming back. I don’t know how to move forward, and I can’t go back to how it was.”

  “It’ll take us some time to lean into our new normal. It will get easier.” It had to. Harlem was his responsibility, and he was at a loss on what to do, but he wouldn’t tell her that. He hadn’t done a great job of taking care of himself, let alone another person, but Carter had to try. “Why don’t you go grab a shower, and I’ll make you something to eat.”

  Gently, Harlem pushed against his chest. “I’m not hungry.”

  His arms loosened. “Still, you should try.”

  He was right. “Will it be edible?”

  That was the girl he knew. He cracked a small smile. “I do well enough. Any foods I should stay away from?”

  “Onions.”

  “Cool. No onions.”

  Harlem started to walk out of the kitchen then turned around slightly. “Carter, I don’t know . . .”

  He shrugged. “Me either, but we’ll take it one step at a time.”

  She held his gaze and slowly nodded before leaving the room. As soon as Harlem left, Carter took out his cell phone to call Elaina. “Hey. Have you already left for the restaurant?”

  “I was just about to leave.”

  “Can I get a raincheck? Harlem is pretty shaken up from last night.”

  “You’re at her place?”

  “Yeah.”

  Elaina paused. “Harlem again?”

  “She’s been through a lot.”

  “So have you.”

  “She’s pregnant, Elaina.”

  “Is that going to be your excuse every time you break off plans with me?”

  “It won’t be like this forever. Harlem needs me right now.”

  “Doesn’t she have friends? Why doesn’t she go and spend some time with her parents?”

  “Are we really going to argue about this? She’s having a hard time.”

  Elaina’s patience was running out. She wanted to scream but did her best to remain calm. She spoke through gritted teeth. “If our relationship is going to work, you’re going to have to figure out how to make me a priority!” The next sound Carter heard was a dial-tone.

  Shit. Elaina had every right to be upset. Carter made another call to his personal assistant. “Amy. I hate to bother you on a Saturday, but I need your help.”

  “Of course, Mr. Owens.”

  “Please send flowers to Elaina.”

  “Flowers? On a scale of one to ten, how bad did you mess up?” Amy giggled.

  “Not a ten, but maybe somewhere between seven or eight.”

  “Ah. Maybe you should send something shiny with those flowers.”

  “This is new ground for me, so send whatever you think will make her less pissed.”

  Carter opened Harlem’s fridge while speaking to Amy. “What the hell does she have in here?

  “Sorry?”

  “No. I was talking to myself.” The damn thing was almost empty. There were a few eggs, some cheese, and a little milk. He’d seen some spinach in the freezer. “Hey, while you’re ordering for Elaina, can you order some groceries for Harlem?”

  “Of course. By the way, how is she feeling?”

  “I wish I could say well.”

  “Please tell her she’s in my thoughts. I’ll get right on it, and I will let you know once everything is all set.”

  “Will do, and thanks.” Carter disconnected. He took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. Omelet it is.

  Chapter 5

  Harlem stood underneath the spray of warm water and let it cascade down her aching body. She didn’t move for almost thirty minutes until Carter knocked on the door.

  “You good in there?”

  She had lost track of time. “I’ll be out soon.” Harlem washed her hair. Her stomach grumbled. She wasn’t hungry before but was now starving. Lately, it seemed as if her body had two gears. It switched between something resembling starvation and nausea.

  Harlem couldn’t believe how her life had changed over the past couple of months. Her entire world had been turned on its head.

  She took a deep breath.

  It was still hard to wrap her mind around being pregnant. She didn’t feel like she was carrying around a human being, but the doctors had verified it on more than one occasion. Being a single parent hadn’t been in her life-plan. The thought of termination had entered her mind more than she would have liked to admit. It would be best for everyone. Wouldn’t it? She wondered.

  It would also sever any remaining ties to him. Harlem didn’t know if she could do that. The guilt and shame she felt for even having those thoughts were overwhelming. She wished she could have a day where her despair wasn’t so crushing, and the weight of her situation wasn’t sitting so heavy on her shoulders. Carter was really trying to help, but he was a whole other problem. Their situation was so complicated. Harlem had no idea how to navigate it.

  The water was starting to cool. She massaged some leave-in conditioner into her hair, then turned off the shower and got out. Harlem rummaged through a drawer until she found a yellow plastic cap and put it on. She would let the conditioner sit for a while. Harlem quickly dressed and went out into the living room. She did feel somewhat better.

  Carter was sitting on the sofa with his feet up, watching a basketball game. He glanced up. “About time. I slaved in that kitchen to make you breakfast, and now you’re going to have to reheat it.”

  “I didn’t ask you.”

  “You need to eat and put on some weight.”

  “God, you sound like my mom.”

  Carter started to get up. “I’ll put it in the microwave.”

  “That’s okay.” Harlem picked up her plate and inspected it. “Wow. I’m slightly impressed.”

  That was the Harlem that Carter was most comfortable with.

  She went into the kitchen and was back in a few minutes. Harlem sat down on the sofa opposite Carter and curled her feet underneath her. She took a bite of food. “You really didn’t have to do this, but I’m so glad you did.”

  “Is that something that resembles a compliment? I’m going to have to mark this down on my calendar.”

  Harlem wasted no time scarfing down her breakfast.

  The two of them sat in awkward silence for some time. Harlem finally spoke. “Carter, I . . . I think I’m sorry about earlier. I kind of go back and forth with my anger.”

  “Just let me know when it’s bubbling up so I can get out of the way.” He was only half-joking. Especially since they hadn’t really talked since that day.

  “This situation is a mess.”

  He sighed. “Yep, but we have no choice but to figure it out.”

  “You keep saying that, but . . . How is Elaina handling everything?”

  He signed. “I won’t lie. About as well as we are.”

  Harlem had a faraway look in her eyes. “I never thought in a million years that we would be here.”

  “Me either. The mere thought that you and I would be able to sit on a couch and have a regular conversation is a small miracle.”

  Harlem smiled slightly. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”

  “Got to find the twisted humor in this.”

  “I know it might seem like it, but I don’t exactly hate you.”

  He held her gaze. “You just wish he was here and not me.”

  It stunned Harlem that Carter was so matter-of-fact. She was ashamed because he wasn’t wrong. She glanced down at her hands. “I don’t mean to direct my anger at you.”

  “Since when?” He laughed. “It’s no secret how you feel about me.”

  “It just hurts. When I see you, I see him. Not to mention, we’re like oil and water. Damian was the glue that kept us from killing each other.”

  He agreed. “He was definitely that. For the record, I wish he was here too. But he’s not. That’s why I’m standing in the gap.”

  “
No offense, but it’s hard to imagine. You’ve always run away from anything resembling commitment. I’ve never even known you to have a serious girlfriend. Elaina is the first, and children are an even bigger commitment.”

  “I never wanted to have kids, but you are having a baby.” Carter was careful not to say his baby. “I can’t ignore that. That child has my DNA. I won’t ignore that either. Regardless of how we feel about each other, we’ve got to set those feelings aside and do what’s best for this child.”

  Harlem lowered her head and swallowed hard. “I know.”

  “That means you’ve got to start taking better care of yourself. I need to know that you’re eating, sleeping, and doing all that you can to bring a healthy baby into this world.”

  Harlem couldn’t believe how the tables had turned. Carter was being the responsible one. Despite how much she wanted to crawl up into a ball, Harlem had to get it together. “You’re right.”

  He expected more pushback. “What? That’s it? I’m right about something?”

  “This is one of the very few times that you are right, and I’m woman enough to admit it.”

  He studied her hard. “You’re going to be okay, and so am I.” Carter wasn’t so sure when they would get to okay, and what it would look like when they did, but it was all he had to hold on to.

  Chapter 6

  Harlem walked into her office for the first time in two months. She stood in the center of the room and slowly did a three-sixty turn.

  Everything felt different even though her office was exactly the same. Just put one foot in front of the other. She went over to her desk and took a seat in her overly large leather chair. Her eyes immediately fell onto a picture of Damian.

  Harlem stared at it for a minute then reached out to caress his image. She whispered. “I’m so sorry.” Her assistant knocked on the door and poked her head inside. “Harlem?”

  She snatched her hand back as if her fingertips had been singed. “Yes? Please come in, LaNette.”

  “I have those files you requested.” She placed the folders on Harlem’s desk in just the precise order that Harlem liked.